Random acts of Insanity
by god-of-crazy
Summary: What it says...
1. Chapter 1

I decided to look over my stories that I've written. I've never written anything that wasn't just plain random, so I've decided to write some random stuff. That's right, throwing my hat into the ring of insanity. Taking the bull by the horns. And so on and so on….

….

I do not own smash brothers

* * *

Fox was waiting in line at McDonalds, when large puffs of smoke obscured the lobby. Fox took out a miniature fan, set it to maximum POWAH, and blew away the obnoxious fumes. Hidden in the fumes were ninjas. 

"AHHHHHH," screamed Fox, "Ninjas!"

"AHHHHHH," screamed the ninjas, "a giant talking fox!"

Fox took a step forward and raised a fist.

"We must kung-fu fight!" he demanded.

The ninjas nodded and assumed ninja fighting poses when their stomachs growled.

"Eat first," requested the ninjas, "than vicious kung-fu fight in which you will inevitably emerge victorious."

Fox agreed and lined up with the ninjas to give their orders to the employee.

Fox browsed the menu. "I'll take a big Mac, please."

* * *

At a comic book convention, Roy was busy burning the place. 

"Noo!" screamed a crying nerd. "Not my Spider-Man #1! Anything but that!"

So Roy burned that. And come to think of it, he burned a lot of other things. Including a table that said, "please do not burn highly combustible table into ashes." Some stuff were not that flammable.

"Damn it," he shouted to the water residing in a bucket, that was there to prove above point, "why won't you burn!"

Just then, a team of cosplayers in X-Men uniforms arrived at the convention.

"Hey that guy is burning everything!" screeched one.

"He's dress as Roy!" shouted another. "And he can shoot fire!"

"It's like that episode I can't remember in which the costume of fictional heroes bestowed the user with powers!"

"Quick," proclaimed 'Cyclops,' "we must save the convention with our awesome powers!"

They charged Roy, who turned around and set them on fire. They ran around for a while before using the water in the aforementioned bucket that Roy couldn't set on fire.

"NOO!" screamed Roy. "My life purpose is gone!"

He shuffles off to a corner and starts to cry like a little baby.

"It's not fair," he says between sniffles, "I wanted to burn that."

* * *

Mewtwo is wandering around in a desert. An e-mail told him the knowledge of the universe would be his if he journeyed into the Sahara desert, put on a specially delivered hat and spin around three times. 

"I'M BLIND!" he screamed every few seconds.

The hat had blinders.

He stumbled into the pit of the Sarrlacc where he met Boba Fett.

"Hi, I'm trapped here and being slowly digested for a thousand years by stomach acid of a monster. What about you?"

"I'M BLIND!" screamed Mewtwo.

The bounty hunter nodded in deference. "Touche."

"Cut!" yelled a director. "That's a wrap!"

A stage crew rolled away the backdrop of Sarrlacc's insides. The director walks up to Mewtwo.

"Nice job," he complemented, "I didn't think you would do all that for free"

"I'M BLIND!" screamed Mewtwo.

The director laughs. "HAHAH! Yeah, that was what she said to me!"

Boba Fett removed his helmet to reveal, AUSTIN POWERS!

"Oh, BEHAVE!"

* * *

Ness arrives at Paula's house after a day of foraging through garbage cans. 

"Hey Paula, I-"

He pauses as he notices the gathering of people.

"What's going on?" he asks. "Is it my birthday."

"No, Ness," replied Paula, "it-"

"WHEEEE, birthday time, birthday time, birthday time, birthday time-"

"Will you shut the F!)(# up!" screamed Jeff. "It's not your damn birthday!"

He takes out a lit dynamite stick and throws it at Ness.

"Birthday candle!" squealed Ness.

He begins to blow on the fuse. He fails to extinguish the spark and was blown straight to da moon!

"So," asks Ness' Mother, "What do we do now?"

They all brushed their chins thoughtfully, wondering what to do next.

"I know," proclaimed Ness' Dad through the speaker phone, "Let's spray each other with mace!"

So, they got bottles of mace and proceeded to have a mace fight.

"WHEEE-, ARRGGGHHHHH, IT BURNS! IT BURNS! THE PAIN! THE UNBEARABLE PAIN!"


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own…smash brothers…I can't take this anymore! Do I have to type in the disclaimer every time?

* * *

Marth was dancing to Right said Fred's "I'm too sexy for my shirt." He was also singing along. 

"I'm too sexy for-, "and you know how it goes…

Onlookers thought he was crazy, so they started dancing along with him while debating the integrity Marth's sanity.

"He's crazy!" shouted one.

"No, you're crazy!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

And it went on like that until lightning struck them all.

One of the survivors managed to get into a kneeling position. He raises his chin and thrusts his hands towards the sky to shout his lament.

"What have we done to anger the cheese gods!"

A bright light shone upon him.

"Salvation?" he asks timidly.

"You are not fortunate enough, mortal, for it to be," thundered a cold, deep voice. "It is I, The God of Lactose Intolerance!"

"Nooo!" screamed the cheese devotee. He knew he was in trouble by the capitalization of the god's title.

"And now," boomed the god, "you shall suffer a life of diary depravation!"

Just then, a mysterious voice pierced the air. "Not so fast, God of _Lacrosse _Intolerance!"

One top of the roof of a skyscraper, arms crossed, cape fluttering, was Marth.

"Lacrosse?" echoed the god. "That's a sport, you moron. How is that suppose to be insulting?"

Marth ignored him and jumped of the roof and starts chucking library books at the god.

"Ha!" taunted the god, "what will your puny literature do?"

Marth smiled grimly in triumph. "They are one day past the return date!"

"NOO!" screamed the god as the books struck him, rendering him unconscious.

Marth poses in victory before smashing into the concrete.

* * *

Yoshi was in the midst of negotiating a problem. To his left, is a jar of cookies, to his right was a jar of bombs, that was about to go off. He could try to disarm the bombs, but if he wasn't successful, the bomb would take out the jar of cookies. Of course, the cookies might have raisins. 

During his dilemma, he hears an ancient voice. "Use the Force!"

So, Yoshi uses the force to levitate the bomb towards him. He goes to get a cookie.

He takes a bite and makes a face. It was all coconut.

The bomb explodes…into action!

"Hey," it requested, "can I take your cookie jar out on a date?"

Yoshi promptly chucks the bomb and jar at a bomb resistant building..., which suddenly explodes into debris, and dust as Godzilla emerges from the roof!

It roars its anger at the little green dinosaur.

"Where are my five dollars," he demands in dinosaur speak.

Yoshi tosses a bill at him.

"HA, you fool," berated the dinosaur. "I now have enough cash to destroy myself!"

The dinosaur slips the five into vending machine that had monster-destroying goods. It spits the bill back out.

The dinosaur mumbles something, straightens the bill, and reinserts it into the currency slot.

Success! A bag of chips lands in the exit slot.

Godzilla holds his prize up high.

"With these chips, my doctor regimented diet is shattered! BWAHAHAH!"

The monster daintily tears the opening with its claws and heads off, munching on a chip every few steps.

* * *

Pikachu was disco dancing in a club when Ash steps in, with the intention to ruin the party. 

Ash glares at Pikachu through his rainbow shades. "This Party's over, Pikachu."

Pikachu returns the glare with equal animosity.

"It is not over till the last dance!"

They brought their chessboards and start throwing pieces at each other.

"Go queen!" shouts Pikachu.

"Go king!" shouts Ash.

The pieces intersected each other and hit their targets square in the head. They both rubbed their foreheads.

"Well played, Pikachu!"

"Same goes for you, Ash!"

They both ran outside to a waiting jet that took off immediately, causing cars to careen on to sidewalks. Hours later, they landed near the Amazon River.

Ash points a finger at Pikachu. "I challenge you to river dance!"

Pikachu nods. "You're on!"

They pulled out tranquilizer guns and shot each other. They both fall unconscious.

CAN YOU TELL WHAT IS WRONG!

a) Disco is still cool

b) They did not compete through dancing.

c) Pikachu is speaking English.

d) They both had tranquilizer guns.

If you answered a), you are correct ma'am or sir!


	3. Chapter 3

Ugh…mid-terms, sapped me of my will to live. I know I did badly. Sorry if it's short. Sense of humour is shot. Barely able to squeak this out.  
I do not own smash brothers.

* * *

"Run!" shouted the people of Japan, Tokyo. "It's **Crapzilla!"**

A monstrous, barely anthropomorphic, blob of crap plodded down a crowded intersection, spilling crap everywhere.

"Won't someone save us?" pleaded the citizens.

"Never fear! Super Mario is here!"

Mario was speaking in English so no one understood him. They trampled him on the way out of the city.

"Hey!" he shouted, "if you all leave, who's going to witness my victory!"

He found himself in a deserted city, with only Crapzilla for company. Past monster attacks, have taught the Japanese that quick evacuations were necessary.

"So," asked the blob, "you're a plumber, correct?"

Mario nodded and instantly his hat burst into flames.

The blob laughed haughtily at the plumber. "Witness my pyrokinetic abilities!"

Mario calmly patted out the flames and took out a calculator from his back pocket.

"Quickly," he asked the blob, "what's PI to fifth decimal."

"3.14158," replied the blob confidently.

"Wrong," declared Mario as he showed the results from his calculator display, "it's **3.14159! You lose!"**

"**NOO!**" screamed the blob. Its form begins to break apart. "I'm melting," it wailed. "melting…melting."

As the blob's remains saturated the city, Mario takes out a crown of tin foil and puts it on his head.

"Remember, punk," he said to the putrid waste, "no one messes with the crap king!"


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own smash brothers. Now excuse me, I need to evade the police.  
(jumps out of window)

* * *

"Luigi," shouted an arrogant manager, "where is my plate of dynamite!" 

Luigi managed to weave through the office to present his employer with a plate of succulent C4.

"About time!" he berated. "I need something for my acid reflux!"

The manager swallows the dynamite and suddenly a bright light descended from the florescent lights and transformed the manager into a stapler.

"At last!" cheered Luigi. "Tis a healing potion to soothe my mental scars."

He takes the stapler and begins firing it at his desktop.

Luigi laughs manically. "Take that, you infernal machine! That'll teach you to crash when I pour water through your heating vents!"

A fellow employee rushes into his cubicle, breath ragged from sprinting.

"Luigi," gasped the employee, "everyone in the lobby has started _cuddling adorable puppies_!"

Luigi spins around to face the faceless employee, horrified at the news. "Such vile acts will not be tolerated! Quickly show me!"

They raced away from his cubicle, took a left, a right, straight ahead. BRICK WALL!

The employee crashed into it, but Luigi was fine. He stopped to hammer a nail into a wall.

"There," he said satisfied, "the world is safe now, for now."

A gathering of people watched him walk off into the sunset.

"Who was that man?" one asked.

Another turned to him in surprise. "That was a man?"

The other nodded.

"Than why is he wearing a dress?"

* * *

"Peach!" shouted a sombre accountant. "You must find the sacred pencil sharper. And then go eat jello!" 

Peach nodded. She takes a running start and crashes through a window. Currently she is on the top floor of a hundred-story building. As she is falling, she concocted a brilliant idea.

"I'll just land on my head!"

Therefore, she spun in mid-air, head positioned to land first.

While falling, she encountered Cell.

"So, you're the Chosen One!"

Peach gave a slow, grim nod.

"You must be strong. So let us fight!"

After losing two out of three in "Rock, paper, scissors," cell cursed his magic 8-ball and made a vow.

"Someday, I will be the one who wears that dress! And then, **no one will be prettier than me!**"

He does the standard villain laugh and leaves.

Eventually, what seemed like several hours, she crashes through the pavement and drilling through several dozen feet of soil.

She breaks through into a hollow dirt tunnel and lands flat on her face. She gets up and looks around.

"I'M BLIND!" she screams.

Mewtwo teleports in and whacks her head.

"That's my bit!" he roared.

And then he left.

Suddenly the ground explodes beneath her, sending her back to the surface.

On the surface, she encountered a group of apes.

One of them approached her. "Say," he pointed out, "your dress is torn."

Peach collapses to her knees and starts hitting the pavement with her fist.

"NO! Everything's gone. I didn't even get a chance to eat jello!"

As she cried, the others looked at each other.

"C'mon, Frank," said one, "we're going to be late for the 'Planet of the Apes' convention."

As they left her there, the sombre accountant was talking to someone else.

"(Insert name)!" shouted a sombre accountant. "You must find the sacred pencil sharper. And then go eat jello!"

* * *

"Okay, Donkey Kong, I'll just call you DK for short, we'll start by electrocuting that rock." 

Both DK and Dr. Madman took cattle prods and started zapping a rock.

"Interesting," muttered Dr. Madman, "the rock apparently cannot feel pain."

"I must go to the washroom," said DK.

The doctor waved him away and DK prodded towards the washroom. Inside, he takes out a printer and photocopies his butt.

Afterwards, he takes the copy and shows it to the wall. Seeing something so hideous, the wall crumbles.

He walks through into the open air, and starts taking a leak on the grass.

"Do, dah, do, dah, do."

When he was done, he throws a bunch of gas onto the grass and lights it on fire. He goes back inside.

The Doctor notes his return and winches.

"Ugghh, make sure you flush again!"

DK nods absently and proceeds to zap the rock again.

"Did you remember to keep the toilet seat down?"

DK felt his stomach turn. No he did not.

From the toilet emerged thousands of ants. They held picketing signs. They marched up to the duel and chanted:

"We need more money! We need more money!"

DK stood back to back with the doctor.

"DK," whispered the doctor, "remember plan b?"

DK knew the doctor was somewhat crazy, but this was annihilating the essence of sanity and achieving nirvana while eating a banana cream pie...or something like that.

"Plan b? What about the consequences!"

"Do it!"

DK sighs and begins singing. Badly.

At the far end of the lab, the wall bulges on impact from a fist. The second hit breaks the wall, creating a spray of debris.

Stepping through the rubble was American Icon judge, Cimon Sowell!

"What the blazes are you doing?" he spoke in haughty inflictions. "Because it seemed to me you were trying to develop a new means of torture."

"Run," shouted an ant, "it is the undead judge of cruelty!"

They all fled in all directions, excluding that of Cimon's.

The undead judge starred directly at DK. "You must be killed for the good of music."

DK whimpered, but the doctor came to his rescue.

"Stop! Leave this realm!"

Cimon smirked. "Few things can stop me. An ape and an old man aren't any of them."

"No," replied the doctor, "but this will!"

Against his sense of good taste, with insulated gloves, he holds up a vinyl record towards Cimon. "This is 'MacArthur Park!' the first release!"

Sowell takes a step back. "NO! Keep that filth away from me!"

The doctor approaches Sowell who retreats with every step the doctor takes. Yet, just by being in the mere presence of the single is scorching judge's skin.

The judge could not take any more.

"You win this time! But remember, my show comes back every season! HAHAHHA"

He disappears in a cloud of miasmas. The doctor immediately rushes over to a steel vault, opens it, and places the record in a sleeve. He runs out, locks the vault, and burns his gloves.

"Whew, well let's get back to work."

They both proceeded to throw rotten tomatoes at the rock.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own a BMW...or a Plasma TV...or smash brothers...

* * *

Link was busy analyzing a chart which predicted when the moon would moon people with its gigantic ass. 

"Link," said his assistant, "take a look at this."

Link stood over the ouija board she was operating.

"According to this," she points at her egg sandwich, "we are apparently inhaling a mixture of oxygen and nitrogen."

Link frowned at the news. "Do you know the reason?"

"No," and she glances at him with panic in her eyes, "but if this continues, everyone on Earth will live!"

Link bares his teeth.

"Not on my watch!"

He presses a switch which opens a secret entrance.

"To the Link Cave!"

"I'll get a bikini wax!" shouted his assistant.

Link nodded and went through the entrance. He came out of the Link Cave dressed as Link and riding a tricycle.

"Now," he declared confidently, "no one will know my identity."

He cycles off into the woods, and falls off a precipice.

He sticks out his hand and shouts, "to me, my board!"

A several eagles arrived and landed on him. They tried to gouge out his eyes.

"Ow, ow, stop that! Just get me to the mayor!"

So they flew him to the mayor's house, a glamorous dog house.

"Hello, mayor," greeted Link, "I came here bearing important news."

The mayor looked up from the papers at his desk.

"So do I," he said, "here take a look at this."

Link picks up an anvil.

"What…oomph…is…ufoom.. is.."

He gets crushed by the anvil.

The mayor looks at Link's predicament.

"Uh oh, time to transform!"

The mayor transforms into a remote control…WITHOUT BATTIERES.

**DA DA DUNNNNNN!**

**

* * *

**  
Zelda was busy harvesting a bumper crop of computer chips. Planting them was easy. Harvesting, however, was not.

They constantly tried to kill her with tin plates of mice.

"Take that!" she shouted while throwing salt at them.

She hoped that the legends were true.

Just then, Gill Bates appeared.

"Because you salted these chips, they are now delicious."

He begins devouring the chips. The chips, to their dismay, discovered the tin plates were actually oven warmers.

After the light snack, Gill belches and gives Zelda a stack of bills.

"Thanks."

He flies off in a jumbo jet.

Zelda looks at the stack of bills and tosses it into her purse. She heads off into the city. On the way there she meets the cowardly lion. He was drunk.

"I…I think I'm a coward." He slurs.

Zelda nodded at the lion's sage advice and skipped down the road.

When she got to the city, she found the perfect skunk that would scare her.

"I'll take it!"

The golem accepted her credit card and brought out a red flag.

"You're credit card is too insane."

The card leapt from the grasp of the store keeper and started hitting the store keep.

"FRESH!" it accused. "I'll be suing you for sexual harassment."

They watch the card march out of the store.

"Do you have anything else?" asked the store keep.

Zelda remembers the bills and hands out a few.

He takes one look and screams.

"It's green!"

He takes out a frying pan and eggs from under a counter and starts cooking an omelette.

"Here you go!" he screamed at Zelda, handing her a fresh omelette on a plastic plate.

She takes the plate, puts it on the ground and did a belly flop on the meal. She starts making swimming motions.

"Must…cross…Atlantic…Ocean!" she gasped. "Have to…prove…I'm greater…than …flying pigs!"

A giant crowd gathers to cheer her on.


	6. Chapter 6

Whoa! It's been awhile.

I do not own any smash brothers character.

* * *

Ganondorf was walking on a minefield, being blown up while holding a transponder unit that drew missile fire.

He turned to the ghost of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who apparently only he could see.

"So, if I do this, I'll defeat Link?"

The former president, looking incredibly mad, shook his head. "You idiot! I said I needed directions to Washington!"

Ganondorf game a crisp salute. "I think you for supporting my dreams of world domination, sir!"

The ghost growled and floated away.

Ganondorf tried running after him. "Wait!" he screamed. "What do I do about the pink tutu?"

Just then, a floating cloud burst apart. Inside were flashlights…that shot…uh…light. And they were all shining on Ganondorf.

"Ha!" he boasted. "Is this supposed to hurt me?"

No, it was not. However, being blown up by Patriot missiles probably did more than tickle him.

* * *

"Hey, Kirby!" shouted a leprechaun, "you suck!" 

Technically, the leprechaun was right. Still every time someone said that, it seemed so insulting.

So Kirby ordered a napalm strike on the leprechaun

An f-14 roars by and dumps a load of liquid fire onto the annoying pest.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed the creature. "IT'S COLD!"

Kirby scratched his head, than did a little dance, made a little love, and got down tonight.

A passing music executive, in his limo, was watching the entire spectacle. He pointed a finger at Kirby and turned to his assistant.

"Johnson, hire, promote, and fire that thing!"

The slab of concrete he called 'Johnson' fell over and destroys the floor of the limo.

The executive gave a loud guffaw.

"I like the way your thinking, Johnson!"

The executive took out a machine gun and riddled 'Johnson' with bullets.

He looks somberly at 'Johnson.' "And that's why I can't allow you to live."

He signals to the limo driver who nodded. They both got out of the vehicle and danced with Kirby.

* * *

"Hello sir," greeted the cheerful cashier, "welcome to NcEonalds." 

G&W took out his scimitar and made a swipe at the cashier. The cashier ducked and took out her katana. They dueled like any sword masters would: unyielding, and consumed by their deadly waltz.

It was interrupted when the manager came out and canned her right on the spot.

"What did I do?" she complained.

"You just killed everyone here! That's bad for business!"

So they left the restaurant.

The fired cashier turned to G&W.

"Hey, I just noticed you're not really human!"

G&W shook his head.

The restaurant itself remained open. The blood frightened the regular patrons, but not as much as the demons and divorce lawyers that suddenly frequented the restaurant.


	7. Chapter 7

AHHH! ITS A FREAKIN'

UPDATE

I do not own smash brothers

* * *

Ice climbers were busy torching a pile of computers. They were dancing around the bonfire of melted plastic, chanting an eerily haunting mantra. 

"Parts for Gates! Parts for Gates!"

Then the holographic projection of Bill Gates appeared above the burning pile of electronics.

"The quota has been fulfilled." He said, in an otherworldly voice. "By the contract written by me and your ancestors, I appear before you now…to give myself a wedgie."

So Bill Gates reached behind and pulled with all his might, stretching the underwear band until it reached his forehead.

The ice climbers clapped politely. Gates took a bow. And then screamed.

"Behind you!"

The ice climbers whirled around to see a trashcan get into a Gundam.

"RUN!" screamed Bill.

The ice climbers ran away. Bill disappeared. To its dismay, the garbage can discovered when the engineers designed this sophisticated machine, it was to be operated by humans only.

"NOOOO!" it screamed until the Gundam self-destructed.

Heero was watching from a far.

"_Now why didn't I think of that_,_"_ he wondered.

Currently he was wearing a clown suit entertaining children.

"Hey," said one, "you're not a clown."

Heero threw a startled glance at the child and ran off.

* * *

Y. Link was trapped. Behind him was a rapidly melting wall of butter made from lon lon milk. He could eat his way through but that would be a guaranteed heart attack. The walls at his sides had ladders, but he was too lazy to climb. In front of him was a plate of pizza, with anchovies. 

"What to do," he thought to himself.

Just than a pack of tigers charged in and started mauling the pizza.

"I'm free," shouted Y. Link.

The tigers glared at him.

"Silence!" they whispered. "Else you'll bring IT on us."

"WHAT?" screamed Y. Link.

"You fool! You've killed us all!"

They retreated, leaving Y. Link to face IT. It was crawling on its belly, gold hair thrashing wildly.

"_Wait..golden hair,"_ thought Y. Link.

Turns out IT was Zelda. She was still swimming on that plate of omelets.

"Did _puff_ did I make it!"

Y. Link sadly shook his head.

"You still have about a million kilometers to go."

Zelda gave a sigh of resignation.

"I give up." She announced. "I'll never beat those flying pigs."

Y. Link stamped his feet. "NO! you can't give up. Don't you see? It's not just about you. It's about everyone. They need a hero, an example that sends a message to those pigs! That Hyrulians can swim faster on a plate of omelets than they can fly in the air!"

Zelda smiled wearily, and the fire of determination was relit. She nearly forgotten her goal in the midst of the fame and fortune she garnered.

"You're right!" she said.

She resumed swimming on that plate. Y. Link was cheering her all the way.

* * *

"Sir," asked the helmsman, "are you really a captain? A _nautical_ captain?" 

Captain falcon turned to face the helmsman. Sternly he taps at the badge he taped to his chest.

"What does this say," he asked the helmsman.

The helmsman squinted at the near eligible writing.

"Cap…tion…sir, that doesn't mean-"

"Captain," interrupted Falcon, "it says captain. So I'm the captain."

The helmsman began to argue further, when a disheveled petty officer entered the bridge.

"Sir," he uttered through his panting, "you've got to see this."

Together they both ran out of the bridge, dodging missiles, gunshots, and cream pies.

They entered a ballroom in the mid decks. The officer pointed upwards, his hand wavering.

"There!" he hissed.

"What is it?" whispered Falcon.

"I don't know," replied the officer. "All I know, is it came alive when night fell."

Together they starred at the lit chandler, wondering where the light was coming from…until elephants came in and trampled during one of their dances.

"Say Stella," asked her husband. "Was it step, step, cross?"

Stella immediately starts bawling. "Mother, was right! I shouldn't have married you! A real elephant never forgets!"

Stella runs away trampling Falcon and the officer.

The forlorn elephant rears his head.

"SSSSTTTTEEELLLLLLAAA!" he screamed.


	8. Chapter 8

The last chapter. Thanks for the review

I do not own anything smasher related that is mentioned in this story.

* * *

Falco was busy slathering peanut butter onto his Arwing 

"Surely," he said to himself, "no one would dare fire upon such a fine work of cuisine."

He took the Arwing out of the hanger, and met a flock of seagulls. They landed onto his Arwing and began eating the peanut butter.

"Hey," he shouted, "get off my Arwing ya F&$IN birds!"

They ignored him, unfettered by his ravings.

Falco glared at the birds, murderous fury boiling in his blood. The fury was just a shade too hot, so he slipped an ice pack down his back.

"Ah, au, oh!"

When he got down to 'mildly-peeved fury,' he fished the ice pack out. He then resumed his one-minute long vendetta with the seagulls.

"So that's how were going to play, huh?"

He sent the Arwing into a dive, straight towards the ground.

Falco laughed manically. "When the Arwing hits the ground, the birds are going get it!"

"_But Falco_," warned his brain, "_you'll hit the ground too_!"

"Shut up," he retorted, "you're ruining my brilliant plan!"

The seagulls were too smart for that, however. They lifted off as soon as the Arwing dipped below its horizon.

Falco was just too absorbed in his 'brilliant plan' to notice.

"HAHAHAHA" he laughed.

Down below, a mad scientist, and DK, for no reason, decided to build a defense platform for the sole purpose of destroying Arwings.

"Well," said the scientist to the ape, "I just wasted tens of millions of dollars. What do you what to do next?"

The ape shrugged. "Let's go to Disney Land."

The scientist, seeing no other way to kill the day, agreed. Before they left they turned on the system, because it looked when active. It immediately sprouted missiles, giving it a resemblence of a hedgehog. Itlocked onto Falco's Arwing and fired its payload. The Arwing was blown out of the sky. Falco ejected and landed upon the defense platform, destroying it.

Falco was just conscious long enough to see the seagulls fly off into the distance.

"One..day," he pledged, "I'll get you..all!"

He fell unconscious. Then was struck by lightning.

* * *

Bowser was busy eating trash. He took on a job as garbage disposal unit, when the ghost of his Mother told him to get a job. 

"UGG!" he groaned as he ate another pile of used baby diapers.

"PHUUU!" he nearly spat out a bunch of AOL trial period installation discs.

His supervisor came tapped his leg. "Hey you! Quitting time!"

Bowser bounded towards the exit, swiped out, and ran as fast as he could. He broke the sound barrier, than was approaching light. Eventually the linear motion of time was reversing for him.

"C'mon," he told himself, "you can do it."

It was difficult to say the least. Failure meant being trapped in an existence where time did no exist. He had to succeed.

The last few moments were crucial. He took out a horsewhip and started whipping his ass to make himself go faster.

Success! It was exactly 8 hours before his shift began. He swiped in and resumed eating garbage.

"Blah!" he muttered as he ate a bin of rotten diary products.

* * *

In the busy streets of New York City, Jigglypuff kept resetting and triggering a giant mousetrap. People gathered around to watch. 

"Yeah," one person shouted, "show that trap whose boss!"

Jigglypuff was getting tired. She was also frustrated. They thought she was fighting this mousetrap. That was absurd. The truth was that she was preventing the universe from exploding. A stoned and drunken hobo told her that. The hobo spontaneously combusted right after informing her of her destiny.

"Whenever I see a drunken, stoned hobo I'll think of you…uhhhh." She realized with embarrassment that she forgotten his name.

Suddenly Mega Man appeared to bring rock & roll to the masses! The crowd immediately turned into a mosh pit. They accidentally jostled Jigglypuff, preventing her from resetting the trap.

"NOOO!" she screamed.

Nothing happened. She shrugged her shoulders and joined the mosh pit.

* * *

Pichu was waiting in line for some water. You see, in the future, water was plentiful. So in order to get some, they waited in line. Makes sense doesn't it? No? Too bad! 

But this Pichu was different! HE was a rebel!

Pichu scooped up clean water from a basin that was on a sidewalk and went on his way. Everyone gapped at him.

"He defies logic!" was the mindset of everyone.

So they conjured up a good ol'fashion riot, destroying everything in sight. Emergency services, hospitals, you know, the facilities that are suppose to help people. And the smashers helped too. They could no longer stand a world in which the author had complete control. The author himself shrugged his shoulders and finished off this sordid collection of tales with a few strokes of the keyboard.

…_And they did **NOT** live Happily Ever After_

_The END!_


End file.
